Missing the Girlie Girl

Some years ago I picked up a greeting card with a picture of a pre-teen girl hanging upside down by her legs on the cross piece of a swing set. The card was blank inside but it was intended to be a birthday card for my daughter's 13th birthday. The card reminded me of the daughter I watched grow up for the past 13 years who was then quickly becoming an adolescent woman.

Time and events let the birthday slip away without ever writing anything in the card or giving it to her. Instead of making it a card for the next birthday, I decided to use the card to write about what was occurring - the passage of time, growing up and that I'd always think of her as my little "girlie girl" - my nick name for her when she was little. After writing in it, I sealed the envelope, wrote her name on it and set the envelope behind the picture of my wife that sits on my desk at work.

Fast forward 2.5 years. I always intended to give her that card and yet there it sat behind the frame. It wasn't that I didn't see it every day, it just never seemed like the right time to give it to her. I thought she would laugh at me for being all serious and mushy about her growing up. "Oh Dad, your're weird" was what I was expecting. Also, being "daddy" to her changed as well - gone were the hugs and that little girl excitement. Loving expressions, verbal and physical, with parent units were not appreciated. Guess it was getting time to leave "childhood" and get on with "adulthood".

Then an event happened in her life - our lives actually. An event that made me realize just how fragile an adolescent still is and how quickly the future can be collapsed into a small amount of time. She came through the event apparently with little more than a missing memory fragment and a healthy respect for the consequences of her choices - I hope.

But the card remained. This week I decided to give it to her. I dropped it into her school backpack after she went to bed. I didn't know when or if she would find it in there, but at least there was the chance that she might. I didn't know what she would do or say, if anything if she found it. Almost as soon as I put it in there, I regretted it thinking about all the awkward situations that she could be in when she discovered it.

This morning I got a text message from her - yes she was in school when she sent it and that's against school policy but she did it anyway. She said:

i just got that card, id how long its been in there but you made me cry tears of joy, i love you dad

Who's crying now? Me that's who! It's a good, clean cry though - and I'm glad it happened.

Perhaps there's still a little piece of that little girl hanging on the swing set inside that young adolescent woman that I call my daughter. I hope so because there's still a lot of that "daddy" inside me that misses the"girlie girl".